Posts Tagged ‘artie van why’

Wrestling with religion and sexuality

December 8, 2010 Comments off

Guest Contribution, Artie Van Why

Artie Van Why writes from Pennsylvania.

In  1972, I was a freshman at a Christian college.  I was fairly new in my  faith.  And I was gay.  My four years there I lived with that  secret, and a fear that I was going to hell, pleading with God to change me;  afraid to tell anyone.

We are assuring our gay youth that “it  gets better.”  And it does.  I also want you to know you have  choices.  You didn’t choose to be gay (just as no one “chooses” to be  heterosexual), but you can choose how to live with your  sexuality.

You can believe homosexuality is a sin and try to  change; on your own, by praying or by entering into an “ex-gay” ministry.  I tried all three and, speaking from my personal experience  and years of meeting other gay Christians who tried doing the same, I don’t  think one can become “ex-gay” any more than one can become an  “ex-heterosexual.”

You can believe that it is not a sin to be  gay, except when acted upon.  I know gay Christians who accept their  orientation and choose to live a life of celibacy.

You can  marry someone of the opposite sex; concealing your same sex attractions,  determined you have it under control.  I know gay men and women who  have done just that.  In each and every case, after what might have  been years of suppression, they eventually ended up acting upon their  impulses; some leading a double life.  Inevitably the lies and secrecy  caught up with each of them; revealed either by their own confession or an  inappropriate situation they put themselves in.  Of all these people I  know, each of their marriages, except for one, ended in divorce; the  unsuspecting spouse’s life shattered, as well as the  children’s.

You can decide to be honest with your future  spouse, trusting he or she will be willing to partner in your decision to  live heterosexually.  I know couples who are doing just that. Publicly, they present themselves as a typical heterosexual couple.   I don’t know how they conduct themselves in private.

You  can choose to reexamine the scriptures that are used against homosexuals and  decide if they are speaking out against same sex attraction as we know it  today.  You can choose to believe God honors a same sex monogamous  committed relationship.  You can choose to believe you can be both gay  and a Christian.

I, personally, lived through years of struggle  and anguish after college; trying everything I could to change.  The  end result was clinical depression and my own thoughts of  suicide.

As the years have passed, I’ve come to trust that God  does love and accept me as an openly gay man.  I do look at those  scriptures in a different light.  I believe God sanctions any  relationship that is loving, committed and monogamous.

I belong to a United Methodist church in one of the most conservative counties in  Pennsylvania; the only openly gay man there.  I was welcomed warmly by  the pastor and the majority of the congregation.  My presence there has  generated an open dialogue within the church about homosexuality and the Bible.  People have told me that their views on homosexuality have  changed because of knowing me; some acknowledging I’m the first gay person,  they’re aware of, that they’ve known.

Our church now has an  outreach ministry to let the gay community know our doors are open to them.  That we not only welcome them, we also affirm them, their committed  relationships and the families they are creating. Know that there are  churches, and Christians, who will accept you as you are.

If we  are to be judged it will be by God. Maybe at that time it won’t be a  matter of who was right and who was wrong. Maybe God will look at each  of us and ask if we lived our lives being true to who we were. Maybe God will assure us that He’s always loved us even during those times we were told He didn’t.

It does get better.  And you do have  choices. The decisions you come to are between you and  God.

Know that, whatever you decide, there is a place for you at the table.

Artie Van Why